Monday, June 12, 2017

Don't Underestimate Dad Style



As we celebrate Dad’s this weekend I took a few moments to think about my own Dad’s sense of style.  My Father was born in the early thirties the youngest son of a rural farmer.  I do not have much to draw on his early childhood the few photos I have seen give me the impression that staples were slim and family was everything. Photos alongside his eight siblings all stair stepped in size.  Boys in denim overalls and work shoes, which no doubt were passed down as one boy outgrew what became their standard uniforms.  Girls in light cotton dresses my Grandmother had unmistakably sewn with her signature adornments of embroidery. 

The few glimpses into my Father’s childhood through photos even become less available into his teenage years.   Defiant slicked back hair, t shirts, jeans and fast cars is the most suitable hypothesis.  Like many boys of my Father’s era he found his way into the service when he finally reached the age of enlistment.  With a sharp uniform and a little money in his pocket for leave my Dad’s sense of style became clear.  Young and handsome, it would be easy to see how my Mother was swept away by his dashing movie star persona, but in truth it was his more sensitive side and beautiful hand written letters we would learn that really stole her heart. 


As the youngest of my three siblings my Father had long turned in his Naval Uniform for Dickes work wear and khaki’s, madras and suede Hush Puppy shoes for the weekend.   A hard worker he liked to buy the best he could afford and take care of those items.  From clothing, to automobiles, devoted consumable brands to home furnishings once he found a style he liked he would seldom falter. 


As a child I was the iconic “Daddy’s Girl”.  My childhood memories of my Dad were looking up into his deep brown eyes that were outlined by laugh lines.  Hearing his deep and infectious laugh and holding his callused hand that I knew was there to provide and protect me at all times.  When he came in after a long day of working on a job site or after fighting a fire as a Volunteer he would immediately wash up with Lava Soap in our tiny utility bathroom.  Later, he would retreat to the tub and return smelling of Right Guard Deodorant, Safeguard Soap and Groom n Clean hair balm. 

Along with his wardrobe staples I also knew exactly what he would be wearing or carrying as accessories.  A simple gold wedding band never left his hand along with a Timex Watch.  He carried with him a handkerchief, a wood grained pocket knife,  brown leather wallet stuffed with photos and receipts and small notebook in his shirt pocket where he would write himself reminders. 
Working in the heat and elements a majority of his life respite time for him was for the most part spent indoors.  Of course he had the iconic John Deere riding mower and Coleman Grill and he didn’t hesitate to take me fishing or Umpire my little league game but I know his real enjoyment after a hard day was raising his
feet in his Lazy Boy recliner tuning into the evening news
on his Zenith TV and sipping on Lipton Sweet Tea.

As my Mother and Father were respectfully equal managers in our home they would make joint decisions on the furnishings and coverings of the household.  Their purchases were of traditional style built to hold up in a family environment.  If anything our parents maintained and taught their children to take care of items to a fault that my Mother usually grew tired of her surroundings long before they were fully worn out.  Some of the simple rules that helped with that maintenance were no toys in our bedrooms.  Food was consumed only in the kitchen (or dining room if we had company).  Drinks were always on coasters and absolutely no shoes in the house.  I even recall one of my favorite Birthday Parties were held in our single car garage.  As a child I thought this was just for a cool factor but as an adult I understand it was really more of a save the carpet move on my parents part.  As I’ve grown older or wiser I have come to appreciate my Dad’s rule to buy the best you can afford and maintain it but it’s not without my own life lessons and poor purchases,  



This Father’s Day marks the 19th Anniversary of my Father’s death.  I feel he was taken way too soon, but then again is there ever a time where we are ready to say goodbye?  Cancer may have taken his signature slicked back pompadour but it couldn’t take away his iconic style. I have a few reminders of my childhood home scattered through my own home, even today my parents choices of quality purchases and exemplary care make them available for our everyday use.  And one of my prized possessions is a quilt my Mother commissioned after my Dad’s death.  It happily keeps the memories of my Dad’s many plaid shirts at my fingertips.  So, as a reminder I may stop and reminisce when, on a rare occasion, a man pulls a handkerchief from his pocket or a Dean Martin song hits my iTunes.  Madmen episodes bring back memories of pouring bourbon and coke in a gold rimmed glass or the excitement of a new fancy automobile being brought home for Mom.


Today, we have so many more  choices in the way of fashion and home décor it can sometimes be hard to define our own style.  I personally still stand behind the old adage that if you have had good luck with a brand then they deserve your patronage.  Do we ever really stop and think of the people behind the shops and the brands?  As part of a small business I may be more sensitive to that fact then most.  There are plenty of stores in our community that I have frequented since I was a child, where now second and third generation store owners are investing in our community and helping us define our own sense of style and brand loyalty. Childhood memories of these establishments were that my parents knew the names of the store owners and clerks and they in return knew theirs. I'm happy to say we live in a town where sometimes that can still happen, but our world is much bigger now and we read in the news almost nightly of chain stores closing and the retail shopping experience becoming extinct. In reflecting on my own Father's style I can only ponder at the hardworking fathers who built these stores from the ground up and wonder what defined their style and what was the story behind their brand?   If you are a Father then embrace your own style, own it, because you never know what impression you are making on your children.  Happy Father's Day! 

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

What's your word?


With the Christmas decorations neatly tucked away and the New Year rang in, it's that time of year to sit down with a blank sheet and list out this year’s business and personal goals, prioritize and implement.  What is it about the first of the year that brings us to resolve to change for the better, when we have the power to begin any other day?  This echoes the favorite Chinese Proverb of one of my mentors, “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago.  The second best time is now.”


As I was chatting with a friend over the weekend she boldly told me she quit resolutions, instead she said I pick a word that encompasses the change I want to make for the coming year.  This was an intriguing idea so I set out to do a little more research. With so many words out there how do you find your one?  The entire process reminded me of a scene from the movie Eat, Pray Love, where Liz struggles to find her “word”.  As she announces her word is writer her friends are quick to explain that writer is what she does not who she is, so she resolves to be without a word.  Fast Forward toward the end of the movie she reflects on a word she learned in italian when she first hears it she proclaims it is the perfect Italian word with all the romance and zest the language has to offer but as she looks at her life from where she once was to where she has traveled she decides that  Attraversiamo, the Italian word meaning to cross over is in fact her word.   


Wow,  what a beautiful, exotic, impactful word!  Could I borrow this word?  No, I needed my own word so I spent the rest of the day jotting down ones in my journal. Onward, transformation, ahead, foundation, purpose, inclusive, planned, assurance, prospicience.  They were all really good words but not the right word.  I even did a Google Search and came up with a tip to open a book and see what words appear to you but I decided to persevere through my own thought process. (Persevere...that’s a good word.)


Then finally as I drove home on a mostly abandoned highway (were we the only one working on January 2nd) through the dense fog my word appeared.  It seemed so clear that it was a perfect fit.   


So what is my word for 2017?  Kinetic!  Kinetic comes from the Greek word kinētikos, meaning "of motion, which in turn traces to the verb kinein, meaning "to move."  In physics kinetic is defined as the energy an object possesses due to its motion or the work needed to move any mass from resting to a state of velocity.

kinetic

play




And this is right where I want to be for 2017, moving forward. Looking at my goal list in one word it encompasses the two pages I brainstormed for both my business and personal life.  In hindsight,  the end of 2016 has left me feeling extremely sluggish and bored with slow movement of my life’s progress.  


The beginning of 2016 brought with it a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the class of 2016 Leadership Columbia.  A tremendous experience that not only gave me much time to learn about myself but also our community, while building a strong network of new friends.  This new experience was exciting and made me feel a bigger part of the community or in a sense grounded.  2016 also brought with it time to rest and reflect from the emotional roller coaster of 2015.  To bring closure to my Mother’s passing to pack away sort and sell her life’s belongings.  To relish in the  immense gratitude of Bentley being a healthy, happy boy.  To smile at Andy’s continued growth and humor and to watch Miss Hallie develop and welcome her way in the world and finally to bring back friends who were so very close yet we had let slip so far away.    Yes, “grounded” was the word of 2016, a time to be sensible and have a good understanding of what was important.


What am I looking forward to in 2017?  Life moving forward.  Watching my children and their children continue to flourish.  Visiting friends, family and new places.  Continuing progress in my career and setting a path for our company to grow.  Watching Jim’s new career path unfold.  Making new friends and stronger connections, learning and leading as the Chair of Women’s Network.  


Although, my personality may never be as bold, perky or pizzazzy as some I admire I am resolved to become more active, cheerful and spirited in 2017 and focus on what is ahead of me.  And remind myself that the things you do either give you energy or drain you, so I must choose wisely and keep moving forward.


Onward and upward to 2017 friends! -Shel

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Mizzou Made


This week many people saw my alma mater, Mizzou, through eyes of negativity.  People took to social media to post opinions and debates, the media reported, sometimes with not all the facts. We are all entitled to our own opinion and mine is that there are always two sides and when everyone is busy giving their own opinion or debating their side no one is listening to the other one.  

The most insightful quote of the day came from a friend who didn’t voice her opinion on the matter she simply left a photo with the quote: “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”  Louis CK

I decided to fill my newsfeed with pictures of my healing grandson who is recovering from heart surgery at the age of two months.  If the last two months have taught me anything it is that there is no diversity when it comes to the life of an innocent child.  Many weeks we have been surrounded in the waiting rooms by family members of all races and religions with one common goal... the continued beating of small hearts.

I have told my husband more than once after stepping out of the hospital and listening to the news that my hope for all those survivors is that life gives them all a chance to grow, flourish and succeed.   

Yes, this week Mizzou has lost some leadership and with that there will have to be a rebuilding of trust with students, faculty, staff, alumni and supporters.  But if we can see a glimpse of positive, we have shown the world that protests can be peaceful.  That higher education was founded for thinkers who if they believe in something strongly enough should have a voice.  I am not naïve enough to think our University is the only college campus with these problems but with open communication and acceptance could we possibly be a leader in the change?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Quotes that can change your day

 
 
 
I confess I am one of those annoying friends who puts those optimistic quotes on her Facebook page, usually in the early morning and most certainly aimed at the baggage I am carrying with me on any particular morning and not aimed at any other friends or acquaintances, (I post all sarcastic quotes on Twitter...just kidding.) 
 
The truth is I search for positive words that can transform any negative mood or circumstances I may be feeling.  By identifying and recognizing where I am in my own emotions I can hopefully guide my responses and behavior. 
 
Quotes are not restricted to my FB page I have them on my Pinterest page,  posted to bulletin boards in my office, tucked in my journal and calendar, they are posted on digital screens, on coffee mugs and I probably would have them tattooed onto my husband if he didn't take blood thinners!  So many beautiful minds have already said so many profound statements that most days my own words can not out shine what  needs to be said. 
 
But with all the quotes sometimes I still can not outrun a strong emotion or bad day and I have to turn to my own feelings to try to find peace and perseverance.  Today was one of those days.  The last week I have been teetering on emotions.  I have not yet written about the passing of my Mom.  I simply haven't had the time or found the words. 
 
Grief comes to everyone differently and mine usually takes a while.  Maybe its my overly exaggerated imagination that I can carry that person with me until my heart and mind finally realize that they will never be physically with me again.  Maybe it is my faith that I know my loved ones are never far away as long as I can carry them in my heart.  Nonetheless this morning my feelings were of sorrow and an emptiness of feeling parent less.  Waiting for me on top of my computer was this quotation: 
 
 
“Think of the world you carry within you.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
 
Because of the sadness Ranier's beautiful words were not enough in that moment and I had to pen a few of my own, (below).  But with clarity after writing and processing this simple yet poetic quote I do know I carry a world of beauty and love within me each and everyday.  I carry all of you and I carry all of them, so their words, faces and teachings can not be forgotten.  



Love Wins
 Too many days I carry my world tucked deep inside me.  On the saddest days, my head whirls my heart physically aches and my emotions override  my senses leaving me numb, inattentive and quiet.   
These days are dark, but not without justification or need.  For every being must go through the shadows of grief, despair and pain, it is with this journey that contours our strengths and moves us towards greater things.  For if we only carry contentment do we really know the limitless of our joy?
On the happiest of days my mind sparkles, my heart shines and I cannot overcome the joy and gratitude that this good life brings forth.  My heart leaps primarily for the others I carry within my own heart.  The victories and accomplishments of those I know personify my own actions. 
But is it not our real objective as humans to surpass the world we carry within and become the flicker others carry within them?  Think of the world you carry within you and then surpass your world to find joy, hope and devotion as a united world, for it is in this world that love wins.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Life Rules

  1. Exercise daily.
  2. Get serious about gratitude.
  3. See your work as a craft.
  4. Expect the best and prepare for the worst.
  5. Keep a journal.
  6. Read at least one piece of classic literature a year.
  7. Plan a schedule for your week.
  8. Know the 5 highest priorities of your life.
  9. Say no to distractions.
  10. Drink a lot of water.
  11. Improve your work every single day.
  12. Get a mentor.
  13. Hire a coach.
  14. Get up early each day.
  15. Eat less food.
  16. Find more heroes.
  17. Be a hero to someone.
  18. Smile at strangers.
  19. Be the most ethical person you know.
  20. Don't settle for anything less than excellence.
  21. Savor life's simple pleasures.
  22. Be your own best friend.
  23. Save 10% of your net income each month.
  24. Get plenty of sleep.
  25. Spend time surrounded by the arts.
  26. Walk in the woods.
  27. Sing along to the radio.
  28. Write thank you letters to those who've helped you.
  29. Forgive those who've wronged you.
  30. Remember that leadership is about influence and impact, not title and accolades.
  31. Create unforgettable moments with those you love.
  32. Have 5 great friends.
  33. Become stunningly polite.
  34. Unplug.
  35. Write down your goals.
  36. Read daily.
  37. Avoid the news.
  38. Wake up by the ocean.
  39. Be content with what you have.
  40. Pursue your dreams.
  41. Be authentic.
  42. Don't gossip.
  43. Be passionate.
  44. Say sorry when you know you should.
  45. Never miss a moment to celebrate another.
  46. Have a vision for your life.
  47. Know your strengths.
  48. Focus your mind on the good versus the bad.
  49. Be patient.
  50. Don't give up.
  51. Clean up your messes.
  52. Use impeccable words.
  53. Travel more.
  54. Give back.
  55. Honor your parents.
  56. Tip well.
  57. Be a great teammate.
  58. Give no energy to critics.
  59. Spend time in the mountains.
  60. Know your top 5 values.
  61. Shift from being busy to achieving results.
  62. Innovate and iterate.
  63. Speak less, listen more.
  64. Be the best person you know.
  65. Make your life matter.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Go Fly a Kite




Have you ever awoken from a dream and felt like it was some type of sign that needed decoding?  While I'm not a Dream Interpreter or a Psychologist I am a specialist on ME so if I’m stirred from a dream worthy of remembering I usually try to figure out my message.  

My dreams can range from comical to scary. Sometimes I am involved in them and other times it as if I am watching from the sidelines.  I've even watched it play out as a TV sitcom with credits rolling at the end.  My dreams are usually filled with people I know although they often take on different physical characteristics.  I usually dream in the past or the present but rarely in the future.  (And so I judge my dreams as not ideal.)  Many times loved ones I have lost will visit me in my dreams and give me advice or encouragement. 

I have had two reoccurring dreams in my lifetime.  When I was a child I would often have the reoccurring dream that my parents weren't home and there was a knock on the door.  I knew not to answer it but when I looked out the window it was Superman… So I answered it...and he robbed us.  I blame my dislike of Superheroes and many of my trust issues on this dream.  (sad face)

My second reoccurring dream, which I still have, takes place back in college with me waking up to realize I am late for a final, but furthermore in horror I understand this final is for a class that I have forgotten to attend ALL semester. While this dream could be interpreted as a regret that I was not a more disciplined student, I find myself having this dream when my life is very busy and stressful, so I attribute it more as a signal to my body and mind to take a deep breath and slow down.

Currently, I am reading the book A Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?, by Rick Warren.  I've started and stopped reading this book numerous times but decided I would be open-minded and push through with the daily readings.  It seems the older I get the more I seek out knowledge on this “BIG” question "What am I here for?" picking up countless books and thumbing through them in search for the answer, while my subconscious knows the answer does not lie within the pages of any book but instead within myself. 

But back to the purpose of this blog, because that subject will come in small steps not the AHA occurrence that I long to awaken me.  The dream. 

In my dream I was napping outdoors under a warm blue sky and there were two kites tethered to my childhood home.  One was a small kite and the other was a much larger elaborate kite.  As I lay there, with my husband beside me in deep slumber, I kept an eye on the kites watching them move.  A large gust of wind came up and I realized the kites had worked free from where they were secured.   A part of me wanted to jump up and grab them while the strings were still in reach but I did not want to disturb my sleeping husband, so I watched as the wind grew stronger and their dance became bolder as they soared high into the air.  Soon the kite's strings found outreaching limbs and became tangled within the branches.    The larger kite was caught up in a tree that was close to where I lay and it was low enough I could reach up and grab the limb and save it.  The smaller one was high in a tree that outstretched over a busy highway and there would be no way of saving it. 

At first I was very sad I had lost the small kite but then I felt the need to find a way to cut the string so it would not end up just dangling in the tree, wind torn, trash of a day gone by.   I wanted to let it soar, to see how high it could reach.  Sure, I knew it would come down eventually but the possibility of how far it would go was exciting and I also had the larger kite to retrieve for another day of playfulness, so what was the harm in letting it go?

The dream brought me back to a safe place.  During my childhood I loved playing in our yard among the trees and I'm sure at some time in my youth a kite or two had been lost to one of the stately elms. Ironically enough, on my commute to work today I heard a public announcement for trees.  John Goodman urging us to plant trees as it makes kids healthier and happier.  On a side note: has society really come to needing this message spelled out on the radio?  But back to my dream and my trees.

The smaller of the trees, which caught the smaller kite, in my youth was a boundary to the busy road and the steep ditch in our yard and the other was a massive tree that dwarfed our house and I often heard my parents discussing the fear of the damage it could do and the hefty price tag that would come along when it came time to cut it down. 

Maybe these trees were coming into my thoughts because of a recent conversation I had with my Mom.  It was when she had come home from rehabilitation and before she decided she needed to spend some time recuperating at my sisters.  She was looking out the window, no doubtingly thinking of the past and still trying to fit the puzzle together of what thoughts had become scrambled into past and present.  In her first days after the stroke she spent many cherished hours telling me stories of both my childhood and hers.  As she recalled the "big tree" she told me the story of it coming down in the yard. 

After I had moved away many of the trees in our yard developed a sickness and one by one they were taken down.  My Dad had struck a deal with a couple of novas tree trimmers to remove the tree for the tremendous amount of firewood it would produce.  My Mom recalled they were eating dinner as the men were working on getting the trunk down and my Dad began getting nervous for the safety of the men and the house.  So he decided to go out and supervise.  My Father at this time was in the far stages of his cancer and even though his appearance was not that of a brawny man I'm sure the message to the workers was sturdy in nature.  Strong enough that they decided to take his advice and change the path the tree would fall.  All in all the tree came down without harm to bodies or structure and all that is left is the memory of its once grand stature.

Memories… could that be a piece of the puzzle to my "BIG" question?  But atlas, I was awoken by my feline alarm demanding breakfast and left to ponder the meaning of this strange, vivid, literal (?) dream.  So as I went upon my morning routine I began dissecting.  First, the reality...the window was open so I'm sure there was a breeze blowing through the bedroom as I began to awake to a new day beside my still sleeping husband.  Second, the nostalgia, the dream no doubtingly took place at my childhood home.  The house my Mother still owns, and the house we wonder day by day if she will ever make it back to independently reside, however the trees in the yard were the ones of my childhood they have not stood in the yard for many years. 

Finally, the analysis, were these kites a sign?  And if so what was it trying to tell me?  A number of things came to mind:  to let small things go; that I didn't have to hold onto everything; that it is ok to soar but sometimes the "little" things get you further then the "big" ones; not to let anything hold you back from your dreams.  Or was it not about the kites at all and more about the trees?  (Sigh) Maybe I’m not as great at this interpretation as I thought! 

But the dream gave me much to contemplate today and a reason to write.  Although it didn’t give me a clear answer to all my life’s questions it did give me optimism to pull out my goal list and shake off the dust.  To check off those goals that have gone unrecognized to mark off those that just aren’t that important anymore and to always keep adding to the list.  Today I will be adding: lying on the ground and looking up at the sky in child like wonder; flying a kite (and letting it go); and planting a tree for the betterment of a child’s imagination.   What will you do today to keep your dreams alive?


 


Thursday, July 31, 2014

#TBT ABUNDANCE of LOVE




In the spirit of #TBT I’m posting this picture of three very special ladies.  It was taken on our “sister trip” to South Carolina and it is one of my favorite photographs.  I have a copy both in my home and in my office to remind me how lucky I am to have these three women in my life. 

But this picture is especially meaningful this month.  July from start to finish has left me feeling like a yo-yo, up one minute down the next.  I’m exhausted and just wish the world would slow down for a moment so I could jump out and then jump back in.  Yet through all the trials and tribulations of this month as I look back the word that sticks with me is Gratitude. 

I’m grateful to Mom for being both physically and emotionally strong despite of her health problems.  I’m thankful for my Brother, Sister, Aunts, Uncles, extended family and friends who gave a helping hand, have been there by my side or simply whispered a prayer for my Mom and family.  I’m grateful for the medical team that worked diligently during critical hours and for the caregivers who despite what is going on in their own lives greet each day with a smile.  I’m blessed with an understanding husband, family, employer and co-workers who have covered for me during my absence, talked with me about apprehensions and shared some laughs when I needed them most.   And although it isn’t  a situation I would want to add to my calendar again I’m appreciative of the time I have gotten to spend talking to family and friends or simply the time I have had to just sit in silence with my own thoughts of reflection. 

Critical Care, rehabilitation and skilled nursing  has been an exploration of education for me this month and I am both touched and troubled with things I have learned and witnessed.  We are very lucky that my Mom's stroke was small and did not leave her with any extreme paralysis.   My heart goes out to those families and patients who find their life balance to include stays and visits to extended care units that go on for years and years.   I have witnessed a type of taboo and shame among many patients concerning their own illness as they seek some other explanation and understanding to the question "why me" while I am simultaneously impressed by the bond of humanity that the patients have when it comes to encouraging and protecting one another.   Most of all I am thankful that Mom has had a friendly and inviting environment for rest and recovery. 

So as I look onward to August I will with optimism and appreciation, knowing that in the big picture I am blessed with opportunity and surrounded by love.  And that we all have days where life just grabs a hold and shakes us reminding us to enjoy the little things, live for today and give with all our soul, because even the weakest of hearts can surround us with an abundance of love.